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October 2004 Newsletter
Feature ArticleWanting Nothing, Receiving Everything! The Golden Rule
Feeling Hurt by Another? When people are unable to be loving, we often feel hurt. We call this "being hurt" by "someone else". This "hurt" can be a physical sensation of pain in the body. James Redfield, in The Celestine Prophecy, explained that this experience is caused by the angry or confused person's neediness. Their wanting to be heard and understood and healed by another, is actually an energy suck. It's something that happens, even though many of us don't feel it. It's as if the other person has turned on their vacuum cleaner, wanting us to fill their sense of emptiness. And we are doing the same thing when we treat others poorly. The Body's Role First, there's the experience of someone being unkind. The "negative energy" is directed towards us, and experienced by the body initially. We may feel tightening in the chest area, shoulders, or belly. We may also feel nauseous, a headache, or dizziness. When we are able to be fully present with whatever's happening, the body's experience is fully embraced in awareness. There's nothing more to "do". Please don't just take my word for all this. Be curious for yourself! A Question of InterestIs It Possible To Want Nothing From Others?
Here's an example: A few years ago, my family was on a car trip to visit my in-laws on Cape Cod. It had been several years since we had been invited, and even though I love Cape Cod, all I felt was resistance. My step mother-in-law had a difficult time sharing her kitchen space. We had to travel with different foods because of our dietary needs. In the past, I would arrive with my assorted staples, put them in a corner of the kitchen counter and she would stay out of the kitchen as much as possible. I had the sense that as soon as we arrived, my father-in-law would take over cooking because she was so upset by the disruption. An In-Law Story This time as we drove over the bridge, onto the Cape, two words appeared in my mind, "Want nothing." "Hmm, I thought, that's interesting." The words repeated several times. I had had these" word experiences" before, and although I don't know their origin, I always have had a sense of their truth. I reflected on the meaning of the words and saw how much I wanted my in-laws to be different. I noticed I wanted a lot from them. I wanted to be welcomed. I wanted them to ask about my life. I wanted them to care about me and show it in a way I would choose. "Want nothing? Hmmmm." I realized they didn't give me what I want. In fact, the more I wanted them to behave in particular ways, the more uncomfortable and unhappy I became. They didn't even notice anything amiss, while I had just gotten more and more unhappy and withdrawn in the past. The Ah Ha! So, here was another possibility. Want nothing. I decided to notice when I wanted anything from them and not "feed" the feeling. It worked! All the awareness I had brought to "wanting nothing" began to dissipate much of my resistance before we even arrived. It was the first of many lovely visits. I still need to remind myself before we visit them. Our foods are still different, but our presence is more welcome, even in the kitchen. They still don't ask about my life. Neither of them can listen to anything I have to say for more than a couple of minutes before losing their attention. And they've never remembered my birthday. I know I'll be mostly listening when we visit, and that's fine now. Wanting nothing, I feel open to what Is, and I receive all that Is. I receive everything! So, is it possible to "want nothing from others?' >From my experience it is. You'll need to find out for yourself. |
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I've often been asked whether it's possible to "want nothing". It is true we have natural desires for love, food, comfort, health, family, clothes, etc. This is part of the human condition and is not a problem when seen with awareness. The problems arise when the mind habitually wants people and things to be different than they are. In relationship with others, painful experiences are most often caused by unconsciously following desires to change things we cannot change.